Hello. I've never posted here before and was wondering if anyone can relate to what I'm going through.
First of all i have severe anxiety and paranoia. I had this before i became pregnant. I was taking Ativan for it and now I am unmedicated. This anxiety is severe. i worry 24/7. I can not make my brain shut up.
Moving on, I developed the depression about a month or two ago.. I'm sure that the anxiety triggered it.Has anyone else ever felt this way?
I'm 26weeks pregnant and despite the fact that I have two perfectly healthy children who are 6 & 3 and this pregnancy has been pretty much normal I still worry daily that something bad is going to happen to the baby inside of me. i actually can not seem to convince myself that I'm even really going to have a baby. =/ I think, well i KNOW, that I have read entirely too many stories about stillbirth and so now i'm TERRIFIED that it's going to happen to me .... I know that it's rare but that means nothing and I can't seem to convince myself that my baby will most likely be fine. I tend to convince myself of the worst case scenarios.... Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is wait to feel my baby move because I'm that scared...
At the same time, the depression has left me feeling sort of (I hate to admit ti) trapped by the baby. I worry about him constantly and i think that that is why I'm feeling.. trapped. I'm just tired of worrying, but I love him and I'd rather have him to worry about than not have him....
Recently I fell into such a horrible depression that I began to think, "Well, it doesn't matter what happens to my baby because life sucks anyways."
and "He might be better off if he doesn't make it full term because at least then he won't have to be trapped in a world like this one and live a miserable life."
=( i was really feeling that low about my life that I was truly believing that at least if my baby were to die in the womb that he would be spared having to live in this horrible world. I rarely feel that way anymore, yet the depression is still going strong.
I think that I just don;t trust my body even though I've had two successful pregnancies in the past. i think that because my anxiety is so high that it causes physical symptoms (heart palpitations, panic attacks, tense muscles, adrenalin rushes, etc) taht I'm just terrified that my body will say, "Yeah this kid can't be in here any longer." I don't know. Maybe i AM just crazy.
Has anyone else ever felt this way while pregnant? Someone please tell me I'm not alone.....