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Wed, Aug. 19th, 2009, 01:09 pm
eyeshaddows: lost and alone

hi everyone. i thought i'd try this community because i couldn't really get anyone to understand what was going on with me in the other two communities i tried. i have had an ED for years on end, now, and been hospitalized twice for wich. now i'm pregnant, and HAVE to eat! i was consuming a maximum of 500 calories before pregnancy, and now, in my fourth month, have moved up to 1200-1500 cals a day. sometimes i get more, because i make a meal plan daily including up to two snacks and three meal, also giving myself more if i get hungry. but i'm just so ashamed, and yes, i know its so self centered, but i'm terrified of gaining weight and getting fat. unfortunately, i wasn't built like those girls that only get a baby-bump, i got it ALL! butt, thighs, lovehandles, arms, and boobs! i'm just so sunken with guilt everytime i eat and feel like a slob on a daily basis. i guess i was hoping to find someone else dealing with the same issues, or someone that has dealt with an ED before and know what i'm going through. ALSO, i have this hgorrible person stalking me and questioning me about what happened to me when a guy beat the crap outta me and threw me from a car! this doesn't help the sadness and depression, i mean, she keeps referring to something that happened in pennsylvania, and i live in tennessee. also, that guy was in his 40's and the guy that assaulted me was in his late 20's. she won't stop leaving me comments saying i have a "fake" page and that i'm lying. but i'm NOT, and i AM who i say i am! i don't understand why this person is so hellbent on making me feel like shit, because i did NOTHING wrong!! like i said this just makes everything worse, because i take lying VERY  seriously. help!

Sun, Oct. 30th, 2011 05:38 am (UTC)

I hear ya. I wasn't even doing drugs, just having a glass of wine or going out on a night when I was down emotionally, or taking herbal supplements to help me fall asleep. Being on your own in that sense really sucks, especially when the hormones kick in and you feel depressed